Being an expectant father can be scary for any man. What to expect is the biggest concern/thought. There isn't much advice online for fathers that are expecting. A lot of advice I received was from my mother and my wife's mother and friends that have children already. With all of their advice and them telling us what to expect in my head I was kind of stressing out. With nine months of pregnancy the father has a lot of time to think about what he will be faced with in the very near future. This can lead to discouragement and stress, especially if its his first. If you don't want to know right off what you are having then that too can be a stressful thing. Is it a boy, is it a girl, what colors do we want to get, how is it going to be when changing diapers etc. So I have put together a list of what I worried about so you can see that really its not that bad.
Changing a girl, is it easy?
When my wife and I found out that we were having a baby girl we were really excited. We already had a baby boy and now we are about to have a girl. This in my opinion is the best of both worlds. One boy, one girl. People told us "well you can stop now because you already have one of each". Just like when we found out we were having a boy (our first child ever) I was stressing over circumcision. I knew I wanted to do it but it still can be a pretty scary experience for the child and the parents. So when we found out it was a girl this time I was thinking its going to be awkward cleaning her and just all that in general. There are a lot of folds and crevices there that poop can work its way into. I was just nervous about touching all that down there in general. Was it something to be worried about? No actually it wasn't..It turns out though that changing her diapers and cleaning her up was not a big issue. Yes, the poop does get everywhere, and yes, there are a lot of folds and crevices but it wasn't something I needed to be stressing about. What I didn't know though was how poop has the amazing ability to work its way all the way up her back when it escapes the diaper. Someone should have warned me about that one.
When the baby cries, relax
Relaxed babies make for relaxed parents, and relaxed parents make for relaxed babies. As an expectant dad, I was thought that I wouldn't be able to console my crying baby very well or that maybe my patience would be short and I would be losing my mind or something if the baby cried for more than twenty minutes and I couldn't get them to stop. I guess I was questioning my future ability to care for the kid and this was stressing me out during the lead up to the baby's birth. It wasn't clear to me at the time just how important it is to just be cool, and relax. The baby has the ability to sense your demeanor it seems and if you're relaxed, often they will stay relaxed. Getting all stressed out and uptight and does nobody any good, especially yourself. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not possible to stay relaxed at all times, and the baby will definitely cry unconsolably at times, but if you're acting cool and relaxed, I think these moments will be lessened. Just like adults need their space at times babies it seems like to have theirs as well. Just because they are babies doesn't mean they don't want these things as well.
Is the baby being fed enough?
How much food is enough? Another thought during the pregnancy with our first child was how would I know how much food was enough or not enough. Again relax, babies seem to know how much they need. When feeding our daughter for the first time in the hospital with the milk the hospital provided it was very little. The first feed was only about 35 ml. This to me wasn't a lot but that seemed to be good enough for just a new born and did the job for the next seven hours. The next morning it went to 40 ml then by the end of the day it was about 50 ml. This was not only told to us that it would happen you can tell that the baby wanted a bit more. As the week went on we moved up to 90 ml. You will notice the more she or he eats the bit longer he or she will sleep. In my experience its been for every oz she ate she slept an hour. This you will see will just keep moving up as the weeks go on. Of course there will be times where she or he will want a bit more in-between feds and its your choice to do it or not. If you stick to a schedule and monitor how much the baby is eating you will then get him or her on a great sleeping schedule.
Lack of sleep isn't all that bad
Some people may have a completely different experience with sleep than my wife and I have had, but for me, getting enough sleep wasn't as big of an issue as everyone was telling me it would be. As an expectant dad, have you had this interaction with someone? Me: “Yeah, our baby is due in three months and we're really excited”. Some other parent: “Oh, only two more months! Well, you better get as much sleep as you can now because you ain't getting any then!!” Sound familiar? I heard this every other day during the pregnancy and, yes, I was stressing a bit about the impending lack of sleep. Being in the military and learning to cope with doing the job with very little sleep helped me know what to expect. I knew that it would be or could be a tough job that I needed to do sleep or no sleep. The reality for me though has not been as bad as everyone was tell me to expect. Yes, the baby is going to be up through the night to feed pretty regularly and yes, there will be times when your sleep is interrupted, many times, but it's not that bad and if you're stressing out about it as an expectant dad, stop. You'll adapt. You'll learn to nap here and there if you need to. You and your spouse will work out a schedule for getting up with the baby while the other sleeps. The baby will start to sleep longer periods as they get a bit older. You're not going to be walking around like a mindless zombie all the time. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. It's not the end of the world like many people make it out to be.
Adapting to all the changes
Bringing a baby home for the first time can be a stressful experience. You get in the door, put your child down in the Moses basket and then just stare and think, ok, whats next? Don't worry everything will be fine. If the baby is sleeping sit down for a moment and take a break and just calmly think, what do I need to do next? Baby wakes up, feed, burp, change or change, feed and burp. This will be what its like for the next while, a few months to be exact but this isn't all that is changing. Other changes that are happening or could be happening is your schedule and things you used to do. If your a gamer (kind of like myself) you might start to think, do I want my child around this when its on even if he or she can't tell whats happening the baby can still hear it. The movies or tv shows you might watch you might be thinking the same thing. Doing the things you used to do before baby came home will be interrupted and it will no longer be your time. It's all fine though. You just move your gaming time and movie/tv time to when the baby is sleeping, preferably in a different room. Then again if your baby shouldn't be watching or listening to it, should you be?? :)
Well, there you have it. My thoughts and some worries that I experienced when being a expectant father. If you have some thoughts or experiences you want to share please feel free to.
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